Introduction
Parenting orders often focus on the big picture: where the children live, when they spend time with each parent and who makes major decisions. In day-to-day life, the problems usually come from the gaps. The order might address the major legal issues but be practically unworkable.
Here are five issues I regularly see overlooked, even in otherwise sensible parenting orders, and what to do about them.
‘School holidays are split equally’ sounds clear, until you define what a school holiday is
Many parenting orders state that during school holidays, the children will live with one parent during the first half and with the other parent for the second half. However, they do not define:
- what dates count as the start and end of ‘school holidays’
- whether pupil free days and student free days attached to the end of term are treated as holidays
- how public holidays are handled when they sit inside, or immediately next to, a school holiday period
- what happens when the holiday period has an odd number of nights or when travel days make a straight 50/50 split impractical.
These are classic conflict generators. One parent treats a student free day as a normal school day (so the usual week-to-week time applies). The other treats it as part of the holiday block (so the holiday split applies). Both can think they are being reasonable and the order gives no decisive answer.
Be specific about the definition and the mechanism. Orders can identify the holiday period by reference to the relevant school’s published term dates (for example, ‘from the conclusion of school on the last day of term two, until the commencement of school on the first day of term three’) and then deal expressly with student free days. If the holiday period is to be shared ‘equally’, include a method for odd days (for example, alternating which parent receives the extra day or by splitting by reference to midday changeovers). The more particular the drafting, the less room there is for conflict.
Communication rules that are either missing or unrealistic
Parenting orders can fall apart because parents do not agree:
- how to communicate and via what medium (for example, text, phone call, email, parenting app)
- how often they can contact the children
- what counts as ‘reasonable’
- what information must be shared (for example, school notices, medical appointments, extracurricular events).
Some orders include a broad requirement to ‘consult’ or ‘communicate’ but lack a practical approach for doing so. Others set rigid communication requirements that do not match the parents’ capacity, the children’s ages, or the history of conflict.
Build communication into the order like a system, not a moral aspiration. Define the channel, response time expectations and what must be shared. Where conflict is high, consider a parenting app and a rule that communication stays child-focused and logistical.
Travel, passports and holidays that do not cover the clear sticking points
Travel and holiday issues cause repeated disputes, particularly where one parent worries about international travel or non-return.
Common gaps include:
- no process for requesting travel
- no timeframe for providing itinerary details
- no rule about passports being held, accessed or returned
- no clear priority between school events, family events and booked travel.
If the order does not address these matters, parents often treat travel as a power struggle rather than a planning exercise.
Include a simple travel protocol: notice periods, what documents must be provided, how consent is requested and how passports are stored and released. If overseas travel is a live concern, the order needs to address it directly rather than relying on goodwill.
Decision making: parents often assume ‘veto power’ on everyday issues
A major practical problem is that parents confuse parental responsibility and decision making with time arrangements.
Even where orders are in place, one parent may act as if they have a veto over everyday choices, or as if they can make unilateral decisions on major matters without properly consulting the other parent.
Orders should separate decision making from time arrangements and clearly state who decides what (for example, education, health, religion, extracurricular activities, passports). If joint decisions are required, the order should set a process for resolving deadlocks (for example, mediation, a nominated professional or a parenting coordinator).
Enforcement is treated as an afterthought, until someone breaches
Many orders do not anticipate what happens when there is non-compliance. Parents then spend months in a pattern of breaches, arguments and ‘make up time’ negotiations that go nowhere.
Overlooked enforcement issues include:
- no clarity about what counts as a breach versus a genuine misunderstanding
- no requirement to provide make-up time, or a process for it
- no protocol for urgent issues (for example, a child not being returned)
- no plan for repeated minor breaches that cumulatively undermine the arrangement.
Draft for accountability. Clear, measurable obligations reduce disputes about what occurred. Where appropriate, include mechanisms such as make-up time, written notice requirements and a staged dispute resolution process before court (unless urgency or safety issues arise).
Final thought
Parenting orders work best when they read like a practical instruction manual, not a set of broad principles. The ‘small’ details above often determine whether the arrangement runs smoothly or turns into a cycle of conflict, breaches and litigation.
If your current draft orders leave gaps in any of these areas, it is usually cheaper and less stressful to fix them early than to wait for the predicable dispute.
If you need assistance drafting or interpreting parenting orders, please contact one of our experienced family lawyers.
