Parenting arrangements and extracurricular activities – no weekend sport?

Introduction

Disagreement about extracurricular activities is a common source of conflict. Generally, judges will not order attendance at extracurricular events or give children the autonomy to decide. The reasoning is obvious; if the decision is given to the children, then this places them in the middle of the parenting dispute. Further, it avoids a scenario where a parent organises activities during the other parent’s time with the children, conflicting with any existing plans.

Who determines a child’s parenting arrangements following separation?

In most cases, a child’s parents agree on the ongoing parenting arrangements without the need for court intervention. Sometimes, this only occurs after the parents have had the benefit of third-party assistance, such as parenting coordination, or a family report prepared by an experienced social worker or psychologist.

However, attendance at extracurricular activities is frequently one of the sticking points for parents. Parents often have very different views as to which activities their children should attend; and children, particularly when they are younger, are inclined to tell each parent what they want to hear. It is very common for our family lawyers to receive a letter from the other parent’s solicitor outlining the many reasons why a child should participate in a particular activity; only for our client’s instructions to be that the child says the complete opposite.

Therefore, if this a disputed issue in your parenting matter, how do you resolve the impasse?

What orders will a judge make regarding extracurricular activities?

If, as parents, you cannot agree, then you need to consider what outcome would be achieved if a judge had to decide – as a litigated outcome is the natural progression for a protracted parenting dispute.

One of our senior family lawyers still recounts the words of a (then) Federal Magistrate many years ago. They were sitting in the court room, listening to another matter being determined. The parents were arguing about their child’s extracurricular activities – one parent wanted the other parent to take the child to all their currently enrolled events, while the other parent said they should be allowed to take the child to only the activities they wished. After hearing from the lawyers for both parties, the Federal Magistrate said, ‘I’ve been accused of stopping the next Tiger Woods because I wouldn’t compel one parent to take their child to golf events during their time together. A parent’s time with their child is more important than extracurricular activities.’ Needless to say, the pro-extracurricular activities parent lost.

That outcome is not an outlier, it is the norm. Judges try to make parenting orders that reduce conflict between parents, as the social science literature is very clear as to the negative outcomes for children when they live in a high‑conflict environment. Allowing either parent to determine what activities a child attends during the other parent’s time creates uncertainty for parents and children, and can be used as a control mechanism by a parent wanting to interfere with arrangements made by the other parent.

The argument that the child should be allowed to determine the activities they attend, also typically fails. This places the child in the centre of the dispute, as they will often be very aware that one parent wants them to participate in a particular activity, while the other parent does not. It also elevates the child to role of the decision-maker, which is supposed to be the job of their adult parents.

While this perspective is not what many parents want to hear, it is important to keep in mind the likely outcome if this issue is litigated. Running an argument that is doomed to fail is an unwise strategy as you may put the judge offside for any other disputed issues, and there is always the risk of a costs order being made against you if you are wholly unsuccessful.

If you have any questions about your parenting matter, please do not hesitate to contact one of our experienced family lawyers.